Queer feelings are like unexpected diseases. You get to feel something different about your body and when you go to the doctor to have a check-up, you’ll discover that death is finally coming to you.
You may be having a normal day when suddenly, you’ll find yourself feeling so contrasted and when you start wondering why, you’ll perceive in the end that there’s this tiny spot in your self that is not working properly…
Just when you think you’re all ok, you’re not. Just when you think you’ve understood everything, you don’t.
When strange moments occur, I find myself asking if some things are worth having, if some things are worth keeping, if some things are still worth a chance, why such events occur, what is this on-off emotion that I have, how can a quiet world be bombarded by someone who claimed to not understand what he did. For a couple of months, such questions mess my head everytime it’s not occupied by something else.
1st case: …. he shared funny stories about his trip to Singapore and made me laugh with his weird jokes. I’m glad he’s back after he pulled away when cupid hit him with an arrow of uncertain emotion. . I wanted to share some stories with him but I don’t know if it’s appropriate. Will I hurt him if I talk about another guy? Will he think I’m too presumptuous to even have that thought? It is so difficult. That night as the water hits the shore, a question hit my head and I expected a bottle of answer to be washed to where we were standing… but nothing came.
2nd case: … she is so in love with him. Everyday, she would talk to me on the phone or through text, sharing how “kilig” she is. She would even asked if it’s ok to wear a “kikay” skirt when she met him for coffee and if a pink blouse looks better on her than a white one. But one evening, as I held his gift for me with confusion in my head and as he looked at me with eyes full of questions, I wondered who made a mistake. Was she mislead? Is he a victim of assumptions? How did I get to be involved here? Should I tell the girl?
3rd case: … he came back. I accepted him. I thought he came back clean. He said he’d prove it to me. I even asked if someone’s getting hurt that time he came back. He said there’s no one. He lied. There is someone. When all truth came out, I asked him why it happened and why he did that. He replied that he doesn’t know. Is it really possible that he acts so sweet with someone, like they're lovers or something, and tell her so many nice things in a span of so many months, when at the same time there are moments in his day that he thinks about me, writes how much he misses me, how much he loves me, how he thinks about me at night and how tears fall from his eyes everytime he dreams about me? How should I look at this situation?
4th case: … why did I decide to keep things to myself? Why after your long text message (which you sent again the morning after), all I gave you was a short reply? There are things that I couldn’t explain. Am I scared that if I make a move we’ll end up having a long discussion again or am I tired of making things ok? Do I have to let you know how I really felt about it? Maybe I hurt you, which really shouldn’t have been the case. You said I was consistent and you were not. With what?! Why are these things frequently happening? Didn’t you even wonder? What have I really done? What am I doing wrong? Tell me… (stop saying it’s your fault, etc.)
I need answers.
You may be having a normal day when suddenly, you’ll find yourself feeling so contrasted and when you start wondering why, you’ll perceive in the end that there’s this tiny spot in your self that is not working properly…
Just when you think you’re all ok, you’re not. Just when you think you’ve understood everything, you don’t.
When strange moments occur, I find myself asking if some things are worth having, if some things are worth keeping, if some things are still worth a chance, why such events occur, what is this on-off emotion that I have, how can a quiet world be bombarded by someone who claimed to not understand what he did. For a couple of months, such questions mess my head everytime it’s not occupied by something else.
1st case: …. he shared funny stories about his trip to Singapore and made me laugh with his weird jokes. I’m glad he’s back after he pulled away when cupid hit him with an arrow of uncertain emotion. . I wanted to share some stories with him but I don’t know if it’s appropriate. Will I hurt him if I talk about another guy? Will he think I’m too presumptuous to even have that thought? It is so difficult. That night as the water hits the shore, a question hit my head and I expected a bottle of answer to be washed to where we were standing… but nothing came.
2nd case: … she is so in love with him. Everyday, she would talk to me on the phone or through text, sharing how “kilig” she is. She would even asked if it’s ok to wear a “kikay” skirt when she met him for coffee and if a pink blouse looks better on her than a white one. But one evening, as I held his gift for me with confusion in my head and as he looked at me with eyes full of questions, I wondered who made a mistake. Was she mislead? Is he a victim of assumptions? How did I get to be involved here? Should I tell the girl?
3rd case: … he came back. I accepted him. I thought he came back clean. He said he’d prove it to me. I even asked if someone’s getting hurt that time he came back. He said there’s no one. He lied. There is someone. When all truth came out, I asked him why it happened and why he did that. He replied that he doesn’t know. Is it really possible that he acts so sweet with someone, like they're lovers or something, and tell her so many nice things in a span of so many months, when at the same time there are moments in his day that he thinks about me, writes how much he misses me, how much he loves me, how he thinks about me at night and how tears fall from his eyes everytime he dreams about me? How should I look at this situation?
4th case: … why did I decide to keep things to myself? Why after your long text message (which you sent again the morning after), all I gave you was a short reply? There are things that I couldn’t explain. Am I scared that if I make a move we’ll end up having a long discussion again or am I tired of making things ok? Do I have to let you know how I really felt about it? Maybe I hurt you, which really shouldn’t have been the case. You said I was consistent and you were not. With what?! Why are these things frequently happening? Didn’t you even wonder? What have I really done? What am I doing wrong? Tell me… (stop saying it’s your fault, etc.)
I need answers.
chachi! finally may entry ka na. too busy with dancing and dinners? :)
ReplyDelete1st case: ask mo kaya siya?!
2nd case: i suggest you don't tell the girl besides, la ka namang feelings with the guy.
3rd case: i really hate what he did to you. foul talaga yun sister.
4th case: ang gulo naman niyan sisteret. if you're good friends, why are you arguing for a reason you both don't understand? ang alam ko lang na ganyang case yung mga may feelinhs for each other or may feelings yung isa, etc. basta may feelings involved.
how's your ankle? nakakalakad ka na ba ng ayos? uy, dance performance mo na this week. get well soon.
honestly, i have no idea what your side is, but if you choose to be silent about it, okay lang. i'll respect that.
ReplyDeleteit's difficult to guess but sometimes asking is not a good option.
ReplyDeletetalk things with them pero may mga taong ang hirap kausap
1. ang hirap talagang mag-no :)
ReplyDelete2. tell the girl pero baka magalit siya
3. like tish, ang bad ng ginawa niya sa iyo. coming back yun pala may sabit siya. you've been taken for granted. why write those things about you tapos may iba siyang girl?
4. sana maayos yan. sayang ang magandang friendship
1. pakiramdaman mo
ReplyDelete2. smile
3. player and assholes don't change
4. something's kept. let it out
how are you? can you perform this weekend?
ReplyDeleteyou're a smart girl and i'm confident that you'll know which one's worth keeping, worth giving a chance, etc. you'll feel it.
1. he's a sweetheart don't you think?
ReplyDelete2. the girl assumed too much. the guy likes you tlga and you have to believe me because my source is very reliable.
3. masyado ka kasing matino, taken advantaged ka tuloy. he has reasons why he did that kasi hindi pwedeng wala lang. it hurts to know that a sincere girl like you has been victimized by a guy like this one. he reminds me so much of sheena's ex bf (sheena pa-mention). habang nicey-nice with you, nagpapakasaya with another girl when you're not around.
4. tell him everything you feel. hindi niya alam ang side mo so tell him (hayan sinabi na niya)
who's your partner sa steamy nights dance? nagpalit ka ba?
bago ang comments, i'd like to remind you of your schedule ma'am. dance practice tonight for bball opening on saturday, dance practice tomorrow for sunday party (ryan is your partner. yiha!), next week na lang daw yung pag choreo mo sa dance ng sis ko at pag-assist mo sa drama play nina chris. you've got a hectic schedule ma'am so i hope your sprained ankle gets better.
ReplyDeleteuna, be your self. pangalawa, kung busted yung guy walang dapat problemahin. pangatlo, nakakainit ng ulo pag naaalala ko yan. sinabi ko na sa iyo dati na mangyayari yan nakalimutan mo na ba? pang-apat, ayusin niyo. kung nagsalita na siya magsalita ka na rin.
salamat pala sa regalo. kakatanggap ko lang.
Case 3: Because he's one big, selfish liar. Need not say more.
ReplyDeleteJust-around-the-corner
ei peeps! thank you for all your comments. sowee now ko lang to check. i'm so busy po.
ReplyDeletetish - nakaka-guilty if hindi alam ung girl hindi ba? ok na po ankle ko nung isang araw, suimakit uli yesterday after the practice. kinareer ko kasi :D
popo - thank you for having the time to drop by. if you get the chance to read the email i sent you, you'll know what my side is. i'm sorry if it took some time before i decided to speak up.
kulit - correct ka diyan
sheena - hindi ko nga po alam why niya nagawa yun
ngoserf - hi!! musta na? miss na kita. tapang naman ng sagot
ate - ate! i can perform this weekend. kaya ko yan!
lanie - yes he is a sweetheart. sana makilala ko ang source mo *twak* regards kay ian
choco - tnx sa reminders. i am myself naman ah. nakakahiya sa girl. i still remember what you've told me po.
just-around-the-corner - do i know you? if i don't, tnx sa comment. if i do, would you be kind enough to tell me who you are? it would really be nice. if ayaw mo dito, text or email. as much as possible i wanna know who posts comments on my entries. thank you.
who's just-around-the-corner? hindi naman siya galit no?
ReplyDeleteow! naging anonymous. i forgot to put my name. i'm the one who posted the last message. sis, see ya this wekeend.
ReplyDeleteDue to the request of the person involved in this issue, I am making this comment for this topic.
ReplyDeleteTruth is, I have always thought that you were a very lucky guy. She had two choices before and she chose you, she has always chosen you. You two have been through so many issues, so many problems about honesty, but until now, you still have her as your friend.
She made a clear deal with you before that if there’s another girl that you like, you have to let her go. She tried to save your ass man! She tried to save you from making more mistakes. You could have just followed but you didn’t. You may have some personal issues or confusions but you shouldn’t have brought her to all these mess. What’s worse about it is that after all the things she had sacrificed to stop the conflicts, gave you what you wanted, what people on your side wanted, they still thought she’s the wicked one.
You sent me an email before asking me for something. I knew where it would lead and so I thought it’s ok because you had an effort. She gave you another chance man, and you blew it big time. I don’t understand what you want or what you wanted to prove but everything that had happened is so bad. So how should I feel about all these?
I LOVE HER. I love cha so much that I would assume you know how I felt about it. I would understand if you don’t because if you knew how it would feel, you wouldn’t have done it on the first place. Yet, my love for her is different from the one you have for her so just imagine if your girl best friend went through the same events. How would it make you feel?
You’ve always claimed that you love her but what’s the point of saying it if you don’t know how to respect her? It’s disappointing to see these things happened because I’ve been a witness to your friendship.
I feel sorry that you didn’t have that privilege to know the very core of who cha is. You should have known how she sees things, feels about other people, about you, about what had happened, everything. Too bad that you didn’t know who you’ve got before.
that's for case no. 3
ReplyDelete