The One

I ended my words with “Is he the one?”. I closed my diary and placed it under my neatly piled clothes in the cabinet. I have always done this. Write stuffs about a guy I don’t romantically have.

After a while, I decided to give Sean a phone call because I haven’t talked to him for two months since the start of summer vacation. When I dialed his number, my hands were shaking. That is just how I am every time I want to give him a call. I would decide to put the phone down when I’m about to dial the last digit of his telephone number. I would always feel the cold air passing me by. I would have goosebumps all over, taking me ten minutes before I can get over it. A while later, I finally kept myself collected to go on with the call.

He gave me his warmest greeting. He asked a lot of questions, which, when compiled together would only mean, “How are you?” Sean is a good friend of mine. He’s my classmate in some of my major classes in the university. For almost 3 years, we’ve spent a lot of time together because of group activities in some subjects and because he’s my next-door neighbor in the apartment. I have this special feeling for him since the beginning. I don’t know if I should believe in love at first sight. That’s why I would sometimes call it infatuation at first sight. But I feel it’s more than that. It is something else. Something more wonderful.

As we talked, I asked him how his former girlfriend was. Sean had been single for 3 months already. Then, abruptly, he told me that his former girlfriend is pregnant and that he is the father of the soon-to-be child.

Boom! It hit me. Then slowly everything seemed blurred. Not a word came out of my mouth. Not even the sound of my breath. It’s over. Everything seemed to have stopped. Even the rotation of the earth.

I went back to my senses when he asked me if the way I look at him changed. That is in terms of friendship. I am not really sure if he knows I have feelings for him. But then, sometimes I thought that maybe he does. I answered him “no”. Our conversation didn’t really last that long. I made a feckless excuse that I have to put the phone down because I have a visitor.

Still holding the phone, I stared into hollowness. Slowly, tears rolled down my cheeks until I felt the pain in my eyes. Then I thought of how could I stupidly hope that there would be something between the two us.

After that, I decided to watch TV. Hoping that even a little, it will help me. Then I tuned in to a channel and watched “Ally McBeal”. Why is it always like that? Whenever such situations happen, everything you see and hear has something to do with what you feel. I turned off the TV thinking of how the heart can be so misleading. Of how deceiving love is sometimes.

I went outside our house and looked up the stars. I could hardly hear the voice of my brother calling me for I was busy looking up the sky as the words of a character on the show I just watched kept playing in my mind, “Why wait for the right one if the right one does not exist?”

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this story is for my friend maya :) after our conversation at Starbucks about "the one". sis, i still can't imagine the 2 guys you like ended up together hahahaha really terrible. peace tayo!!!