purging again

Bangag akong gumising kaninang umaga. 2A.M. na naman ako natulog pero oks lang, masaya naman ako. Sobrang saya. It’s a good thing I didn’t publish this entry yesterday. Ang dami kasing nangyari last night so I had to edit some parts of this post.

This morning, I woke up with a fix goal for the day: I have to air my thoughts and feelings. So, mahaba-haba na naman to. Sowee :) Pero ang saya. Sana kayo rin kasing happy ko.

Ann
Kapatidi! Mwa! Mwah! Mwah!hahaha thank you so much for all your help, for always taking the time to listen to me and for making me see things I don’t see before. Kulang pa yung treat ko sa iyo na Javanilla Shake at Black and White mocha. Thank you for your help sa akin yesterday when I lost my wallet. I felt restless but not that much. Ang weird nga diba? I lost all my important cards and six thousand pesos but I managed to laugh sa mga kwento ni Mark (he was my angel last night!) re our dance performances nung college. And come to think of it, there’s a little chance na makita ko pa yung wallet ko right? But I did!…. with your help! Hay… talagang God is good all the time :)

Kehl
I love you too… so much *hug* I’m happy :)

Popo
First, thank you sa napakaraming hugs kaya heto, even if I feel so sleepy happy pa rin ako :) Why do you keep on saying sorry? Baliktad na ba ang mundo? Line ko yan eh :) I wanna say thank you (again). It’s because of you that I’m dealing with things or issues with calmness. You were right, mahirap sa una pero sanayan lang. You’re one of the major reasons why I am who I am now. Ang hirap palang maging katulad mo pero tama ka, tahimik pag ganito. I don’t know why we always argue lately. Ang weird ng causes *laughs*. But after last night, I hope things would get better. You’re a wonderful person pero bato ka (you admitted it din naman). Honestly, there was point when I thought you don’t have a heart kasi grabe ang tindi mo talaga. But before I slept last night, I realized I was wrong. You have a heart… ‘coz you have one for me. I know hindi ka bato because during those times that we decided to put some distance from each other, inisip mo pa rin kung kamusta na ko. You even bend some of your rules when it comes to me. For that I am grateful. You’re right, blessed talaga ako… and having you is one of the ways to prove it… ingatz ka lagi Master, sa sobrang lakas mo sa girls baka mapikot ka hahaha jokish!. Mahirap talagang maging heartthrob ng Greenhills tsk…tsk…

Aaron
The only answer is fear of the vulnerability that love entails…

Jeff
Masyado ka masunurin but I feel good that you took my advice. Don’t worry, I’ll help you work it out. It was painful, and risky but you did it. Pinahanga mo ko. Idol ka na pala ni Popo. He thought it was a myth. Now he learned it’s possible :)

Case no. 3
YOU: Sunod ka sa akin ha?
ME: Huh? Ano namang gagawin ko dun? La akong job dun
YOU: Ihahanap kita
ME: Huh? Umm…. La akong money eh
YOU: Siguro within 3 months makaka-ipon ako ng fare mo papunta dun
ME: Nye! Ano ka ba.
YOU: Kasama mo naman ako.
ME: Nye! Hay, o basta wag ka nang gloomy. Things will be ok. I’m sure, susunod din siya dun :)
YOU: Oo, susunod si papa sa akin
ME: See? Susunod na si papa sa iyo, susunod pa siya. O, ang dami mo nang makakasama dun! Wag ka nang sad.
Silence.
ME: Ei, mad ka ba sa akin?
Silence.
YOU: Pano if ikaw yung gusto kong sumunod?
ME: Uy, masama yan.

Lahat na yata ginawa ko para tumigil ka at ibahin ang topic pero dun ka pa rin pumunta.. you said I’m stubborn. Nah… mas stubborn ka. The time you met me for lunch to inform me that you were leaving, umiiyak ka habang ako naman tawa ng tawa. Buti na lang may dala kang glasses dahil kung wala, baka isipin ng tao pinaiyak kita kahit hindi. I don’t understand why you cried that afternoon.

The last time we were together, you hugged me tight. I asked what you were thinking and you said “Honestly? Sana ganito na lang tayo forever”. Seryoso ka na naman, kaya sinabi ko “Kaw kasi niloko mo ko”. You didn’t reply. When I was about to leave that night, you hugged me again. Ok lang sana pero may sinabi ka pa. “I love you cha”. I don’t know what you meant by that but I believe na kahit ano pa mang meaning nun, di mo na dapat sinabi yun. Nagkakasala ka lang.

Why are you like that? What will make you stop doing those things and saying those words? What do you want from me? Tell me. I’ll try to give it to you if that will make you stop. Nakakasakit ka lang ng iba. Sabi mo pag nagka-boyfriend na ko, di mo na ko guguluhin. So I thought, I’ll share with you na lang na I’m beginning to romantically appreciate someone. Sabi ko, maybe kahit yun magkaron sa iyo ng effect. And you said it did. Pero until now, ganun ka pa rin. Do I really need to have a boyfriend?

I advised you to pursue what you have started. Pero ayaw mo. You said, you couldn’t manage to have a girlfriend right now ‘coz you realized that you still feel this, you still feel that … blah…blah… blah… Napatingin na lang ako sa iyo. Hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit until now there are things which you keep denying from me. Para namang wala akong alam. You should be proud of your significant other. We should value and respect those people who love us.

Aren’t you tired of playing all these games? We’re not kids anymore who can have fun and hurt each other after. Can’t we just all be happy?

Go. Someone’s waiting for you on the other side. Make yourself happy. Make her happy. I suggest that you forget about me. I will be of no help. Thinking about me would make things more complicated. I am ok. Time will heal all our wounds and with God’s grace, we can all move on.